Mr. Curtis’ Book

Hey guys, I wrote a book.

I think it’s a pretty good book.  Of course, I wrote it, so I am a bit biased, but I think it’s pretty good.

My mom also said it was good, but I don’t think she actually read it.

My dad read it, but when I asked him what he thought, he just grunted a little and fell asleep – I wasn’t insulted – he does stuff like that.

My son just said, “that book has lots of words.”  He’s right, it does.

I tried to show it to my dog, but he sniffed it and realized it wasn’t made of meat, so he wanted nothing more to do with it.

If you want, you can buy it on Amazon.com.

Here’s how it started:  Way back in 2003, I was working on a draft of a play I’d written about three morons in an apartment in New York City who suddenly realized there was a bear in outside their door.  A bear outside the door is not something you expect when you’re in an NYC apartment, so there were all sorts of wacky hi-jinks, because I happen to think that wacky hi-jinks are the best kind of hi-jinks.

At one point, during the writing process, I got a little sidetracked, day-dreamed a little bit, and somehow, without knowing why, I wrote down the line, “I’m a cowboy.  Okay, maybe that should read, ‘I was a cowboy,’ because I’m not really a cowboy anymore.  Now I’m dead.  It’s okay though, you don’t have to feel sad for me, it was a long time ago, and I’m over it, but…well… here’s my story…”

I didn’t finish the story, in fact, I set it aside for nearly a year, but that dead cowboy haunted me for a while.  Not in a literal sense, there wasn’t a spurs wearing spirit sidling through my living room, but he was stuck in my head just the same.

Then, like happens to folks sometimes, I realized he had a story, so I wrote it.  His name was Billy Thickub.  He lost his horse.  Now this wasn’t just any horse, this was Old Steve, Billy’s best friend in the whole wide world.  And he didn’t lose him like you might misplace our house keys or lose track of your cell phone, he lost him in the worst way.  He made a bet, and he lost.

Now, Billy wasn’t the sort of fellow that would lose his horse in a bet that he thought there was any real possibility of him losing.  He thought for certain he’d win, because this was a bet in a spittin’ contest.  Against Scoots McGinty.  A sneaky, low down, snake in the grass for sure, but a sneaky, low down, snake in the grass who happened to have a spittin’ disorder so that he couldn’t muster up enough saliva to lick a stamp, let alone win a spittin’ contest.  Yet, he won, Billy lost, and Old Steve was gone.

Turns out, though, that Scoots was cheating, so Billy, not to take being swindled like that, tried to gather up a posse to bring down that cheat Scoots and get back Old Steve.  The only problem was, Billy’s posse wasn’t much of a posse – it was just a old man named Merv who was so hard of hearing that he was more-than-half-deaf and a slow looking kid with a silly grin who never said anything but, “Sloop Sloop.”  That’s not a terribly effective posse.

Just the same, Billy and his new friends set off after Scoots McGinty, along the way encountering all sorts of adventures and some unusual characters like some angry Native Americans, a bunch of pickle salesmen, some gophery creatures, a misplaced buffalo, the world’s fattest cow, and the meanest outlaw in the whole west.

How the Horse Was Lost is just the first book in a very funny trilogy about Billy and his pals (at least it’s a trilogy in my head) written for middle grade readers.  Strangely enough, it does not include that first line that I wrote – that one got deleted somewhere around the 17th or 32nd draft – it is, however, loaded with action, adventure, comedy, and more than one joke about poop.

I highly recommend it, again, though, I am pretty biased.  If you do happen to read it, I sure would like to hear what you think about it in the comments section below.

15 responses

20 04 2011
Mackenzie C.

I can’t wait until we show these projects! Because I’m baking but I’m not going to say what it is. I’m making 50 of them s we all can have two!!

21 04 2011
Autumn E.

Yes. Better be something delicious ! :]

2 05 2011
Isabel T

Y U M

3 05 2011
Mackenzie C.

I don’t know if I can make double anymore because I don’t have enough ingredients but they are still delicious!!!!

27 04 2011
Alex R.

i’m making something really hard. I think it will be cool

12 05 2011
ALEX R.

To bad my computer broke down my game would’ve been awesome. My painting is cool though I hope its cool enough.

2 05 2011
Isabel T

I was wondering if for my talking presentation could i talk about their culture instead of why you should go there?

11 05 2011
christopher m.

that project is over hope i got a good grade on it 🙂

7 10 2011
SeTh gUtKnEcHt

i did great on this project … and i hope i do better the next one

27 10 2011
carleen krier

I think I did good on this project.

29 02 2012
Taylor Sullivan

What do you think of a Business man? In my perspective view, I think that a business man doesn’t have time for anything. Business people are very serious to me, and doesn’t look like they can have any fun by there job that they have. Some business people I have met in the past are very serious, and don’t joke around about anything. Business people are kinda strange about the work that they do. Business people are focused on what needs to be done, not around them in my opinion.

Business people in my opinion, have no time for anything else. A lot of people I have seen are obsessed with working. People would ignore anyone and everyone. Business people are very cautious about the work. I’m sure that if that business’s person’s stuff got taken or stolen he would go crazy mad. The business man in the Little Prince that business man is very serious person, Like most business people are.

Being a business man must mean you probably most likely have an awful lot of responsibility. Even though your all work, that work must be important. A business person job could get really boring, at least to me. Going to work would mean putting on a serious face and not talking to anyone all day and barely have any time for anyone else but for me and my work.That’s something I would never be able to do. Having that job to me is a job I would never be good at.

17 09 2012
Taylor

Ok super exciting I read the book!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! FUNNYEST BOOK EVA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! <—–thats a lot of exclaimation marks to back up my case.

1 10 2012
alyssa z

🙂

31 10 2012
Hannah B.

haha !

24 09 2013
Peyton Rhine

ha 😛 that is a good book 😀

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